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| Junkie |
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There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down ... and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure device... a vibrator ... soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She goes completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy... if you explain the kids." There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down ... and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure device... a vibrator ... soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She goes completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy... if you explain the kids." |
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| | | | No one behind, no one ahead. The path the ancients cleared has closed. And the other path, everyone's path, Easy and wide, goes nowhere. I am alone and find my way. |
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM -- You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
FRENCH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon(tm) and market them world-wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION -- You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION -- You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
ARTHUR ANDERSON, LLC -- You have 2 cows. You shred all .. that Enron has any cows, take 2 cows from Enron for payment for consulting the cows, and attest that Enron has 9 cows.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM -- You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
FRENCH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon(tm) and market them world-wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION -- You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION -- You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
ARTHUR ANDERSON, LLC -- You have 2 cows. You shred all .. that Enron has any cows, take 2 cows from Enron for payment for consulting the cows, and attest that Enron has 9 cows.
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| | | | No one behind, no one ahead. The path the ancients cleared has closed. And the other path, everyone's path, Easy and wide, goes nowhere. I am alone and find my way. |
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| Posts: 309 |
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Aimee wrote:
thisfucker wrote:
sex in the dark is lame and sucks |
It could be good with like candles or something.
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Looking on the bright side eh?
Oh wait, candles are not that bright, but 10,000 candlepower floodlights are![quote=Aimee][b][face=Arial][size=1][color=#6699CC][quote=thisfucker][b][center][color=#0099CC]sex in the dark is lame and sucks[/b][/center][/color][/quote]
It could be good with like candles or something.
[/b][/color][/color][/color][/quote]
Looking on the bright side eh?
Oh wait, candles are not that bright, but 10,000 candlepower floodlights are! |
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| | | | No one behind, no one ahead. The path the ancients cleared has closed. And the other path, everyone's path, Easy and wide, goes nowhere. I am alone and find my way. |
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| Posts: 486 |
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Dweezle wrote:
Aimee wrote:
thisfucker wrote:
sex in the dark is lame and sucks |
It could be good with like candles or something.
|
Looking on the bright side eh?
Oh wait, candles are not that bright, but 10,000 candlepower floodlights are! |
 Bad_mental_picture_of_Dweezle):just_get_some_brighter_candles_instead! [face=Courier New][quote=Dweezle][quote=Aimee][b][face=Arial][size=1][color=#6699CC][quote=thisfucker][b][center][color=#0099CC]sex in the dark is lame and sucks[/b][/center][/color][/quote]
It could be good with like candles or something.
[/b][/color][/color][/color][/quote]
Looking on the bright side eh?
Oh wait, candles are not that bright, but 10,000 candlepower floodlights are![/quote]
[smiley=beavis]Bad_mental_picture_of_Dweezle):just_get_some_brighter_candles_instead![smiley=butthead][/color] |
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Posted: December 14, 2009, 2:03 am